Wednesday Night Wrestling

As I've indicated in previous posts my son is 15 yrs old. Like his father, he is not a student in the academic sense although, he could be if that's what he wanted. He is very bright. He is bored with most classes in school. It's not that he can't do the work he get's "A"'s when he decides to sit down and get "A"s, but he is bored. There is little social interaction in class and one has to sit, forever, and listen to some schmoe blab on and on about what seems like useless crap. How do I know this? I use to go to school too and I know exactly what he is going through, at least with regard to that stuff. Anyway, Wednesday night he was at my house spending the night. It was the night before his math test and he had math homework to do. He did not want to do his home work nor did he really want to study for his test the next day and he was bored. I was on the computer and he was bugging me. He was hanging on me, shining lights in my eyes etc. I know, he wanted attention...blah blah blah. No, he was stalling and not doing what he needed to do. He needed to do his homework. He was also challenging dad. He was trying to pick a fight with dad. Which is the point of this post.

My son is at an age where he is in the nietherlands of childhood and adulthood. He is competitive, masculine, independent, bright and he was feeling his "oats". He wanted/needed to challenge dad. He had to see where he stood with me; "Does pop still have the moxie?" It's always a guess as to what the teenage boy is asking for, hell it's always a guess as to what any child is really asking for but as a parent I just gotta pick and go with it. I've guessed wrong once or twice before and my son has proven to be resilient. All kids tend to be surprisingly resilient. Me being anxious and wringing my hands does more harm than good. Oh ya I've done that, too. It did no good. Yep, I've made a lot of mistakes as a parent and I will make a lot more before I'm done. But I digress. Let's see where was I...oh ya, my son full of oats wanting to challenge me and I decided to take him on this time. He threw down the gauntlet and I accepted the challenge. I learned a couple of things. First, I learned my son is very very very strong. Woof. But I also learned that I did the right thing, this time. Sometimes boys just need to know dad is really present and strong.

Sometimes teenage boys are looking for dad to step in and say: "ENOUGH!". Dad needs to be dad and be a hard wall for the child to bounce off of, then the kid feels contained and safe. There is timing in this and there needs to be wisdom and a whole lotta lucky guessing. It's not done every time for most kids and it's not exactly clear when the dad is suppose to take up the gauntlet. So, if you are wondering when your time will come just know it will. And, if you miss it once or twice it will come a bunch more times. So, there is no need to watch for it or be anxious that you've missed the window. Just know that when the time comes it's okay to wrestle.

The actual Challenge took all of about 5 minutes. My son would play, polk and threaten. I asked him if he really wanted to go down the path he was aiming to go down and he polked and pushed somemore. I took that as a yes. So, we got into a wrestling match. Like I said earlier he is very strong but so am I plus I have about 100 lbs on him. He fought hard used all he knew from wrestling and after getting very tired and making me tired he decided; "yep, dad still has what it takes to be dad." He was angry at dad the rest of that night and the next morning. No he didn't do his homework nor did he study. That really wasn't the point of the exercise. He tried to blame me for lack of study saying I kept him from it by wrestling with him. I laughed and he knew he couldn't get away with that excuse either (another test and push). My son's school work is his responsibility and there are natural and imposed consequences if his grades reflect a lack of studying.

He still pokes and pushes and he will continue to do so and I will continue to push back when I think it's necessary but mostly a little less than before. He will be 18 in 2 1/2 years and legally an adult. He will want me to be dad still and I will be dad but it will look a little different than the way it is now. I do it differently than the way I did it before. The whole aim of my job as dad has been and is to get him to find his place in adulthood. I brought him into this world now I owe him his life.