A Vacation From Mom and Dad

My son's mother left for Missouri and Alabama last Wednesday to meet with her sister so they could travel "The South" searching out all the places they used to live and play when they were kids. I took the week off to play taxi driver to my son who, while he is working on getting his license, doesn't drive solo yet. I had high hopes and big plans for my son and I spending some time together. I won't put "Quality" time because I know better. My son is 16 and he makes the party debu Taunts of the wealthy seem like shy little turtles. He is very socially active with 2 or 3 little girls chasing after him and one that caught him when he wasn't looking. It makes a dad proud. He has many friends including one that is a really solid guy friend who is well liked by my son's mom and me. Anyway, with plans well in in the books and one excited dad at being able to spend time with his son I got a phone call from my son saying..."uh dad I'm spending the night with Ryan. You don't need to pick me up from school. Ryan and I will just walk. Oh ya and I am spending the night with him tomorrow night, too. Friday night I am working, Sat. is.. and sunday is..." and so on and so forth. I was just a little put out, to say the least, after securing those days off just to...oh well, you get the picture. I started rolling it over in my mind and I realized that sometimes kids need a little vacation from all mom and dad's agenda stuff they want the kid to do. My son is pretty mature about most everything and he really made sure he got to the places he needed to go and do the things he needed to do. I worried a little bit and then let it all go...hearing the words of my friend and former professor saying; "it will be okay, Steve". Low and behold it was "Okay". My son was fine and he did a great job. He is growing up and pushing out of the nest. He is shedding the stuff of childhood, falling down, making mistakes, getting up and doing stuff again until he gets it right. This is the job of a kid. This is the stuff that builds self esteem. Self esteem is not built by telling a kid how wonderful he is all the time. That just builds arrogance. There has to be something behind the praise. There has to be something substantial, like the kid really did something worthwhile. My son took good care of himself even at age 16.

Working Harder Than Your Kids

There comes a time in your child’s life when mommy and daddy have to quit working harder than there kids. My son has, I believe, reached that age. My son is great and yes I am the very proud papa of my 16 year old son. He is great; he is taking personal responsibility for much in his life, he works, he does his chores, he is respectful…mostly, he pays his debts, etc. He is truly a remarkable kid. So, why am I working harder at his education than he is???? Well, honestly, because I know what will happen if he doesn't get good grades and doesn't get into college, or at least I think I know and I just couldn't let go. It’s not that he can’t do school. It’s that he won’t do school. He's pretty brilliant, even if I do say so myself. He’ll get A’s on his exams and zero’s on his homework assignments because mostly he doesn’t turn them in. We took football away from him this year, last year it was his electronic games, his friends his tv. It did little. I have been re thinking the consequences from us. It seems we are working too hard and he just doesn’t care. I don't think he's moved enough for the energy we've expended. I say no more on the grade thing. I think from now on if he gets a poor grade because he doesn’t want to do his home work. Then so be it. His mother and I sat down with him yesterday. He told us that his homework was pointless and he wasn’t going to do it unless it meant something to him. He would only do stuff that meant something to him. Perhaps, not getting into college and having to struggle daily for daily bread will mean something to him later…then again I have two masters degrees and I have a stupid meaningless job and I struggle for daily bread. I wonder if he is on to something. Maybe he's smarter than I am...